CheckUp
A Polish girl went to the gynaecologist. She disrobed
and got up into the stirrups. The doctor was so
shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina he asked,
"When was the last time you had a check-up?"

"Well, to be honest with you," she blushed, "I've
never had a Czech up there, but I have had several
Hungarians."

You have to stop

A guy goes to the ophthalmologist. The doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating!"

"Why Doc," he asked, "am I going blind?"

"No," the doctor explained, "but you're upsetting the other
patients!"

裸奔
有個女人趁先生上班時偷偷與情人廝混在床上。有天兩人還在床上,這個女人聽到她先生車子回家的聲音，她焦急的叫她的情人：「趕快拿著你的衣服,跳窗戶吧！」
他的情人只好拿起衣服從窗戶跳了出去，結果他縱身一跳竟然跳入一群馬拉松選手。他只好一面提著衣服，一邊加入跑步中。
有個選手問他：「你習慣裸奔嗎?」
他喘著氣的回答說：「是啊,這樣一來你可感覺到風輕拂過你的肌膚。」
另個選手又問這個裸奔的男子：「你跑步時都習慣都會把衣物拿在手上嗎?」
他有點透不過氣來的回答：「是啊,這樣一來,比賽完我就可穿上衣服,開車回家。」
該選手又問：「你通常都帶著保險套跑步嗎?」
這個裸體男子說：「只有在下雨的時後才戴。」

威而鋼

話說農夫喬揚養了近百隻的雞，可是只有一隻是公雞，農夫希望這隻公雞能和所有母雞交配，於是就買了一大罐的威而鋼。 有一天，農夫喬揚在餵公雞吃威而鋼時，一不小心將整罐給倒在地上，只見公雞瞬間就全吃光了！ 隔天，農夫卻見公雞狀似奄奄一息的倒在地上，而且天空還有兩隻禿鷹在盤旋。 農夫傷心的對公雞說：「唉…都是我害了你…」 但見公雞回農夫一句話：「噓！別吵！我在等天上那兩隻下來。」

名牌保險套
把所有的品牌全都置換成保險套，然後再套上原本的Slogan，嘿嘿嘿~~很正喔

百服寧保險套 ： 保護您！
青箭保險套 ： 你無法預料，何時你會需要它！
青箭分享包保險套 ： 更多片，可以和更多朋友分享！
媚登峰保險套 ：Trust me you can make it ！
飛利浦保險套 ：Let`s make things better ！
Pentium 保險套 ：Intel inside ！
可口可樂保險套 ： 擋不住的感覺！
NIKE 保險套 ：Just do it！
Konica 保險套 ： 它抓得住我！
麥當勞保險套 ： 都是為你！
HP保險套 ： 買得聰明，用得安心！
永慶房屋保險套 ： 這是我們應該做的！
雀巢咖啡保險套 ： 滴滴香濃，意猶未盡！
西北航空保險套 ： 每五分鐘起飛一次！
摩托羅拉保險套 ： 良機在握，一觸即發！
IBM保險套 ： 四海一家的解決方案！
蘇菲保險套 ： 好在有蘇菲！
最佳女主角保險套 ：ARE YOU READY ？
仁山利舒保險套 ： 又快又持久！
NOKIA 保險套 ： 科技始終來自於人性！
SKII 保險套 ： 你可以再靠近一點 ！
麥斯威爾咖啡保險套：好東西要跟好朋友分享！
菲夢絲保險套：現在妳相信我，以後妳會相信他 ！
克寧保險套 ： 讓你長的像大樹一樣喔 ！
鐵達時錶保險套 ：不在乎天長地久，只在乎曾經擁有!

中西醫的分別
有一個花花公子,因為玩的太兇了,結果那話兒就生病了連續看了好幾個西醫醫生都告訴他"你這裡不行了,一定得切掉",那花花公子怎捨得啊,就跑去看中醫,醫生看了看說"雖然太晚了,嗯....不過沒關係!""真的嗎??可是我看了好多西醫都說一定要切掉",醫生道"唉!西醫就是這樣,動不動就要切東西,這瓶藥你拿去,每天塗三次,要不了多久它就會自己掉下來的啦!!!!!"

醫生的念頭
有個病人請教醫師關於手腳冰冷的問題。
醫師：「當我覺得手腳冰冷時，就會抱著我的妻子，於是就會熱起來，覺得溫暖....」
病人：「這倒是一個值得一試的方法....那....請問尊夫人什麼時候比較方便呢？

Bang
 This Indian goes into a drug store and tells the pharmacist that he has too many youngins. He asks if there is anything he can take for it. The pharmacist puts some rubbers on the counter and says try these. The Indian leaves happy. The next day, the Indian walks up to the counter and throws the remaining rubbers at the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks what happened. The Indian just looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH. Right nut go UGH. Rubber go BANG!!" The pharmacist looks suprised and gets some extra heavy duty Trojans and hands them to him and suggests he try these. The next day, the Indian comes back in and throws the remaining rubbers at the pharmacist. The suprised pharmacist asks what happened this time? The Indian just looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH. Right nut go UGH. Rubber go BANG!" The pharmacist thinks for a while. He says wait here and I'll be right back. He goes out back and gets an old Tire tube and sews a rubber out of it. He gives this to the Indian and says to try it. The Indian looks at it and agrees it will work. The next day, the Indian comes into the store moaning and limping! The pharmacist goes up to him and helps him to a seat. He then asks the Indian what happened. The Indian looks at him and says, "Left nut go UGH! RUBBER go UGH! RIGHT NUT GO _BANG_!!!"

Never Shown up
This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night. It is going to be a hell of a party." The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is very potent, you drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know about it." The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist is going to work and at the door of the drug store, the same fellow is there waiting for him. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?" The guy replies, "Quick open the store, I need Blue Ice (a pain muscle reliever). The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive." The guy says, "It's not for my penis, it's for my arm." Pharmacist says, "What?? What happened?" Guy replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion." Pharmacist says, "And..." Guy replies, "The girls never showed up!"

A Camel
There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a condom. She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up. The pharmacist said, "What brand of condoms to you prefer ma'am." She said, "I'm not sure, they're for my Camels," at which point he fainted.

同行？
有一位婦產科醫師及一位銀行經理，在宴會時，坐在一起，經過介紹後，
產科醫師對行經理說：「我們是同行」。
銀行經理甚感奇怪，就問：「為何是同行？」
婦產科醫師回答說：「我們都是可以看，可以摸，不能用的。」

Best Treatment
A guy walks into this pharmacy owned by two female pharmacists. The one pharmacist comes over to offer him assistance. Very embarrassed he explains to her that he has had an erection for a long time now and nothing he does helps to let it go down. The pharmacist says, as this is a very rare occurrence, she needs to discuss this with her partner, and off she goes into the back room.

After quite some time she comes out from the back room and says; "We've discussed your situation, and the best we can do for you is, $3000.00 per month and a company car!

全體起床
一個男子由於失眠，去找心理醫師求治。
醫生建議他和自己說話來催眠，
醫生說：「你上床後，就對你的腳趾說『腳趾睡了吧！』，
然後說『腳睡覺吧！』再到手臂、身體、臉、眼睛，這時你就會入睡。」
回去後，那晚他就照醫師指示做，向腳趾說：「腳趾睡吧！」，
腿睡吧！」一直說到眼睛，這時，他太太穿著一件很性感的睡衣進來了！
他一下跳起來，大叫：「全體起床！全體起床！」

Under the Pillow
A patient wakes up following an operation to find the doctor standing at the foot of the bed. "Doctor, how did it go? "I have good news and bad news", says the doctor. "Give me the good news, I feel terrible and I need cheering up" "The good news is that we managed to save your testicles" "Thats terrific. What's the bad news?" "They are under your pillow."

Diagnosis
A stunning woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed, he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does this, he tells her: "Do you know what I'm doing? I'm checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
Then he begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now? I'm checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
He then begins to have intercourse with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."

Hair
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."

How to maintain a professional attitude

I promise this really happened:
I was working as a pharmacist intern at a busy retail store when I received a phone call from a frantic man, he wanted to know the side effects of Maintain.
Maintain is a topical nerve blocker, which temporarily blocks sensations, and is used to treat premature ejaculation in men.
I explained to the man that a skin rash is always a possibility, but most people have no problem with this product. The man was still upset, so I finally asked him if there was a specific problem he was having with the product.
He explained that he and his wife had just used the Maintain, and now his wife was slurring her words, and unable to control her tongue very well.
I told him not to worry.

Can I help you?
Man goes into a drugstore and up to a female pharmacist. "Can I help you?" "Yes," answered the man. "What can you give me for a priapism*?"
She answers: "How about $500 in cash and part ownership of a drugstore?"
* Presistent erection of the penis

Sign language
A deaf mute walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.
Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five-dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the
pharmacist wildly in sign language.
"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

SHORT Viagra Jokes List
Viagra in Spanish, we're told, is "viejos agradecidos" or "greated old guys" (sic).
Viagra has been a big boon to 'stand up' comedians.
The man spent too much money on Viagra: Now, he's hard up.
Viagra in chocolate bars - you eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
A bank sign in Dallas during this heat wave complains: "Who put Viagra in the thermometer?"
Bread with Viagra as an added ingredient is being marketed through a Boston bakery under the name "Pepperidge Firm".
Did you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra? A man took twelve pills and his wife died.
A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription exclaimed over the $10/pill price. His wife, who was with him, had a different opinion: "Oh, $40 a year isn't too bad."
...Then there was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck in his throat and suffered from a stiff neck.
Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you're up all night.
How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb? One little tablet, and it's a whole new bulb.
Men are being warned not to take Viagra with nitrates after five gentlemen in India did so and changed the balance of power in the region.
The Viagra computer virus turns your floppy disk into a hard drive. The Viagra Super virus then sucks all your data off the hard drive.
If you're depressed and think you might need Viagra, see a professional. If that doesn't work, see a doctor!
A guy named Dave emailed us that he left his Viagra tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.
We received the report today that it is no longer necessary to stake tomatoes. Just dissolve a Viagra tablet in the water and they stand up straight and tall.
Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland - a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Dan Quail does not support Viagra. Quote: "I've been using this stuff for a week and NOTHING! It's the worst suppository I've ever used."
Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause them to spin around and point north.
Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges suddenly went up.
New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to raise right up.
For years the medical professional has been looking after the ill, to make them better. Now, with Viagra, they're raising the dead!
The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.
It's been said that if you take Viagra and Propecia (or use Rogain) at the same time, things work great -- but you look like Don King, afterward.
A Viagra delivery truck was high-jacked: The police are looking for two 'hardened criminals'. They expect a stiff penalty under the penal code.
Unconfirmed but frequent reports tell us that a man who overdosed on Viagra caused the funeral home problems - they couldn't close his coffin lid for 3 days.
Even so, we're told that the funeral home industry is happy about Viagra overdoses: Lots of new stiffs means an upswing in business.
We loved Newsweek's comments on the trade name Microsoft , to wit:
                         Let's see... "Micro" and "Soft". Needs Viagra!

Drug Education Program

There were four cops assigned to a  drug education program at the local school. Two  had ordinary  success, but two, Joe and Mike,
were doing very   well. The Chief called them in and asked them how they'd done it. 'Did you use the two circles, representing your brain?'
They replied: 'We used the two  circles, however  they didn't represent one's brain.We drew a  circle, and said. 'This is your  butthole.' Then we drew a larger circle and said,  'This is your butthole IN JAIL!'