Pharmacist Joke Collection
藥 師 笑 話 大 全
Babies early learn to smile and they lose their gift of humor when they are prohibited to use it.
笑話只是笑話，無任何嘲笑病人，疾病和任何職業的成份，如果你看了不開心，請來電郵告知！
治療笑話 Treatment Jokes

Problem child

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillisers that I want you to start taking regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquillisers calmed you down any?"

"Oh, yes" the mother answered. "They do wonders for me."

"And how is your son now?" he asked.

"Who cares?" she replied.

停電五分鐘

一個水電工走入手術室，
他走近一個戴有氧氣罩的垂危病人，
對他說：「喂！你聽好..
好好深呼吸，我需要停電五分鐘。」

乒乓球 
有一個年輕人不小心吞下了一個乒乓球,急忙跑進醫院.
他要求只進行局部麻醉,以便能清醒地看到手術的全部過程.
他看到醫生在手術時,這兒開一刀,那兒開一刀,雜亂無章.
「為什麼你在不同的地方切這麼多刀呢?」他痛苦而不安地問醫生.
「因為乒乓球總是在你的肚子內彈來彈去.」醫生回答道. 

車長

某家神經病院爆滿，醫生希望讓病況較輕的人先出院，
就為所有的病患進行一個簡單的測驗，
醫生準備了玩具小火車並把15個病患關在房間裡，
告訴他們只要坐上這列玩具小火車就能回家去，
其中14個病人都快樂的坐上小火車在房裡繞圈圈，
可是有一個病人卻站在原地不為所動，
主治醫師看了很高興，正要走過去誇獎他時，
卻聽到他在大罵：「你看這些白癡笨蛋，竟然在做這種傻事∼」
「喔！你知道他們是在做傻事啊？」醫生高興的問

「對啊！................我這車長都還沒上車咧！這些笨蛋想把火車開到哪裡去？」

肛門的笑話

　

小偉為了長久的肛門搔癢感到煩惱，於是，他終於鼓起勇氣去看了醫生
這天早上九點當他走進醫院，臉紅地告訴醫生他的發癢症狀
只見醫生冷冷地看他並對他說：褲子脫掉
於是小偉只好莫名其妙地將褲子脫掉，
只見醫生不慌不忙地將一片餅乾塞進了肛門中....
正當小偉感到納悶與狐疑時，醫生又命令式地說：明天這個時間再來。
於是小偉就莫名其妙地回去了。

第二天小偉依約準時又再度去看醫生;一進門，
醫生連看他都沒看就開口了：把褲子脫掉！
於是小偉只好不太高興地將褲子脫掉，
只見醫生很熟練地將一片餅乾塞進了肛門中，
這次小偉感到奇怪與生氣，但醫生又簡簡單單地說：明天這個時間再來。
於是小偉就只好感到奇怪地回去了。

第三天小偉依約準時又再度去看醫生，這一次，
小偉心想，他一定要問明白，為何老是塞餅乾給他一進門，
醫生連看他都沒看就開口了：把褲子脫掉。
於是小偉又只好不太高興地將褲子脫掉。
小偉終於忍不住開口：今天又要塞餅乾嗎？
這次醫生手拿著一個鐵鎚，小偉心想：不會吧！！太誇張了
而醫生則是幽幽地拿起手來看了一下時間說到：時間差不多了
這時只見一隻蟯蟲從肛門中探頭探腦地鑽出來說道：今天是什麼口味?

止血鉗 
小王開盲腸，
開完刀回到休息室後就急忙問其他床位的人醫師的技術如何？
睡在他左邊的人嘆了口氣！指指身上的傷口說：
「這裡開了兩次刀，是因為有一塊棉花沒拿出來！」
睡在他左邊的人也很怨嘆的說：
「我開了兩次刀，是因為縫合時有一卷紗布掉進去！」
話才說完，看到醫生衝了進來一邊跑一邊喊：
「鉗子呢？止血鉗怎麼不見了？」
小王就昏過去了...... 

好消息 
話說evil知道自己得了癌症時日不多，便跑去讓醫生檢查。
隔天醫生通知他說：我有一個好消息和一個壞消息要告訴你....
evil：好消息是....？
醫生：你還有兩天可活。
evil：那壞消息是...？
醫生：我昨天忘記通知你..... 

戒菸 
某公患有心臟病，醫生勸他戒煙，并且說，如果不能一下子戒掉
，可以先改成每天飯後抽一支 。一月後，他又去看醫生，醫生檢查
後發現他又有了胃病，大惑不解，問：“這是怎麼回事？”
“可能是因為我為了遵守您飯後一支煙的建議，每天吃飯次數
過多而且不規律吧...” 

捐器官 
老師：「 現在上『急救』課。有人受傷，第一步要怎麼做？」
學生：「我知道，問他要不要器官捐贈？」 

扭傷了

一個金髮女對醫生說: "請幫助我, 我的全身都在痛."
金髮女用食指點著右膝說: "哦! 好痛."
金髮女又用食指點著左臉蛋說: "哦! 好痛."
金髮女又用食指點著右耳說: "哦! 好痛."
醫生說: "妳是不是天生的金髮女?"
金髮女回答: "是的."
醫生: "是妳的食指扭傷了."

醫院怎麼走

甲：請問一下醫院怎麼走？
乙：很簡單，你現在閉著眼睛，走到馬路正中央，然後停一下，大約十分鐘之後就到了。

遲到

喬治有遲到的習慣, 老闆甚為不悅. 於是他去醫生處取回一些藥片吃了, 爬上床便睡, 沒到鬧鐘響就醒了, 他高高興興地起床, 洗過臉, 吃過早餐, 從從容容去上班, 見了老闆就說: "早啊! 今天我沒有遲到!"
"很好," 老闆說, "但是你昨天為甚麼沒來 ?"

安眠

一個容顏憔悴的病人對醫生說:"我家窗外的野狗整夜吠個不停...

我快瘋了!"醫生說:"你拿這些新安眠藥回去試試看!"

一星期後...病人又來了..樣子比上次更憔悴疲憊...

醫生問"那些藥丸無效嗎?"

病人嗚咽著說"不是的...我每晚都起來去追那些野狗....可是...

即使捉到一隻....牠也不肯吞下安眠藥!!"

Medical Terminology for Layman

ANTIBODY against everyone
ARTERY the study of fine paintings
BACTERIA back door to a cafeteria
BANDAGES The Rolling Stones
BARIUM what you do when CPR fails
BENIGN what you be after you be eight
BOTULISM tendency to make mistakes
BOWEL letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CAESAREAN SECTION a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE made eye contact with her
COLIC a sheep dog
COMA a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL friendly
CORTIZONE the local courthouse
D & C where Washington is
DILATE to live longer
ENEMA not a friend
ENTERITIS a penchant for burglary
ER the things on your head that you hear with
FESTER quicker
FIBRILLATE to tell lies
G.I. SERIES baseball games between teams of soldiers
GENES blue denim slacks
GENITAL non-Jewish
GRIPPE what you do to a suitcase
HANGNAIL a coathook
HEMORRHOID a male from outer space
HERPES what women do in the Ladies Room
HORMONES what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid
ICU peek-a-boo
IMPOTENT distinguished, well known
INPATIENT tired of waiting
LABOR PAIN hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF a doctor's cane
MINOR OPERATION somebody else's
MORBID a higher offer
NITRATE lower than day rate
NODE was aware of
ORGAN TRANSPLANT what you do to your piano when you move
ORGANIC church musician
OUTPATIENT a person who has fainted
PARALYZE two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PLASTER CAST the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert
POST-OPERATIVE a letter carrier
PROTEIN in favor of young people
RECOVERY ROOM place to upholster furniture
RECTUM what happened to the Corvette
RED BLOOD COUNT Dracula
RHEUMATIC amorous
SALINE where you go on your boyfriend's boat
SECRETION hiding anything
SEROLOGY study of English knighthood
SURGERY a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply
STERILE SOLUTION not using the elevator during a fire
TABLET a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS getting sick at the airport
TIBIA country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR an extra pair
URINE opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE very close
VEIN conceited

Pain Transfer 

A married couple go to hospital together to have their baby delivered.
When they arrive, the doctor says they have just taken delivery of a new machine which transfers a portion of the mother's pain to the father.
"Would you be willing to try it out?" asks the doctor.
"Yes of course," says the husband, who is very much a Sensitive New Age Guy.
As the woman goes into labour, the doctor sets the machine to 10 per cent and asks the man if it hurts.
"No, it's fine," he says.
The doctor raises the setting to 20 per cent.
"Still okay," says the man.
The doctor gradually lifts the setting to 50 per cent.
The husband closes his eyes and grits his teeth, but insists he can cope without any problem, so the doctor raises it gradually to 75 per cent.
"I can take it," says the husband. "Give me the full 100 per cent."
So the doctor does, and the wife bears the baby with no pain at all.
The doctor goes off to write up the case for The Lancet, while the couple take their baby home.
On the doorstep they find the wife's tennis coach dead.