神農氏
有天老師問大家：「誰知道神農氏有什麼功績嗎？」
班長馬上舉了手：「老師我知道，是嚐百草。」
老師很滿意的說： 「嗯~不錯，果然是班長，都有在唸書。」

之後小明不服氣的舉手了，
問道：「老師，你知道神農氏死掉之前所說話的嗎？」
老師說：「嗯~老師不知道耶..」

小明說：「老師，我來告訴你吧！那就是....... 啊！這個有毒！」
老師：「......-_____-!!!」

複診

彼得知道初診要三百塊，而複診只要一百塊，於是他走進診所，對醫生說道：「我又來了。」 醫生幫他看了一下，說：「就吃上次開的藥吧！」

聰明丸

請給我一些聰明丸！」某人對醫生說，醫生瞧瞧他，開了處方。 過了一段時期，那人回來了，「我好像沒有變聰明。」他說。 「繼續服藥。」醫生說。 又過了一段時期，那人來說﹕我還是沒有變聰明，你給我吃的大概是維生素吧？」 「瞧，你已經變的聰明了。」醫生說 。

安眠藥
醫生:這是一顆安眠藥,妳的先生需要絕對的安靜.
婦人：什麼時候該給他吃
醫生:不必給她吃,那是給妳吃的

是誰在吃藥
一位獸醫有事要外出，出門前交代他的助手，
要記得餵診所內一匹受傷的馬服藥，他說：
你只要拿根管子放入馬的嘴巴，再將藥丸放入管內，
然後對著管子吹氣就可以了。說完便放心的離開。
不久獸醫回來竟然發現助手病奄奄得躺在地上。
醫師問：發生了什麼事？
助手回答說：我沒料想到那馬吹氣吹的比我還快！

鑲牙
一個時髦的女郎來到牙科診所要求鑲牙。
醫生問"鑲大牙還是鑲門牙？"
女郎高傲的說"我聽人家說西班牙不錯，就給鑲一顆西班牙吧﹗"

希望藥丸
醫生再三吩咐病人說：「黃色藥丸治胃痛，
紅色藥丸治肝臟腫脹，白色藥丸治心臟病。
弄清楚了嗎？」
病人說：「我完全明白......
只希望那些藥丸明白它們該到什麼地方去。」

安眠藥
一個容顏憔悴的病人對醫生說:"我家窗外的野狗整夜吠個不停...
我快瘋了!"醫生說:"你拿這些新安眠藥回去試試看!"一星期後...
病人又來了..樣子比上次更憔悴疲憊...醫生問"那些藥丸無效嗎?"
病人嗚咽著說"不是的...我每晚都起來去追那些野狗....可是...
即使捉到一隻....牠也不肯吞下安眠藥!!"

藥方

一位富商對他的醫生說:「我們相識多年了,我覺得每次以現金付你醫療費,簡直像是種侮辱,所以我決定在我的遺囑裡贈你一筆可觀的遺產。」

醫生說:「好極了,不過請把剛剛我開給你的藥方給我一下,我想改變其中幾種配方。」

 As a pharmacist, the general public expects us to be rather professional. Thus is is easy (and fun!) to catch people off guard by having a sense of humor... The following exchange took place between me and one of my patients: Me: Take this medication on an empty stomach. Patient: Does it say that on the label? Me: Yes, on the sticker, next to the drawing of a stomach. Patient: Ewww, gross! Me: You should see what we put on the suppositories.

甚麼藥
凌晨二點,小護士叫醒正在熟睡的病患.
「起來,吃藥了!」
病患揉著睡眼問:「吃甚麼藥啊?」
『安眠藥,吃完再睡!』

Birth Control and Sleep

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."

Prescription Change
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."

The Roach
Years ago I had filled a prescription for a dear customer for the drug "RONIACOL" manufactured by the ROCHE Pharmaceutical Co. (Manufacturers had just started printing the company name or identification on the tablets.)

After delivering the prescription, I received a frantic telephone call. The caller said "Thank you for delivering my medicine, but you have made a terrible mistake." After asking what the problem was, she said: "You have sent me ROACH POISON." She said, "It's printed right on the tablet!"

This took a little tactful explanation.