I've shot him

Last night the alarm monitoring people called me at home; Bother! The
temazepam desperados at it again no doubt. I phoned the police but was told
that they weren't in the area and were working to regulation, but would
send someone round in the morning. I hung up.
A minute later I rang again. "Hello, I called you before because
there was a burglar in my pharmacy. No need to hurry because I've shot
him." Then I hurried down to the pharmacy, to see were three police cars,
the dog squad and the helicopter circling overhead. They caught the
burglar. One of the young cops said. "I thought you said you'd shot
him." To which I replied, "I thought you said there was no one available."

Some True Experiences
One guy I worked with back in the early 80's tells of one patient and his med.

Well you see some medications require that the patient not stop taking them without the advice of their MD, since sometimes the patient has to be weaned down on the dose slowley before they can get off the med.

One doctor had put on this patients prescription (and wanted it put into the directions on the bottle) that the patient was not to stop taking the med abruptly.
So being a good pharmacist my friend typed the label:  "Take one tablet twice daily. Do not stop abruptly."
The patient gets his prescription and takes out the bottle and reads the label and comes back to the pharmacist and says I have a question.
Pharmacist says, "sure what can I do for you?" (being a good pharmacist we are ALWAYS ready willing and able to answer any question posed by our patients).
The patient says I see here that the directions say "Not to stop abruptly" but what if something runs out in front of my car?
I'm sure glad this guy asked before heading home cause Id have hated to have him go through his life slowing down while walking up to a corner or into a checkout line at the store.

Another pharmacist tells of kidding with one patient who took him seriously:
The pharmacist typed the label for an eye drop: "Place one drop in both eyes twice daily."
The patient got the prescription and read the label and asked, "How am I supposed to get the same drop in both eyes?  How do I get a half a drop?"
Okay, my friend figures this guys got to be kidding so he tells him how to do it.  Do you know?  Well it is something they don't teach in pharmacy school...but this guy had an answer.  He said, "Well, first you get a razor blade and position it up between your eyes.  Then you take the dropper and get one drop on the end of the dropperand kinda flip the drop up in the air.  When it comes dow,n you get underneath it and make sure it hits the razor blade right in the middle.  The 2 halfs of the drop will go into each eye at the same time."
To which the patient replys, straight-faced and serious, "I don't think I can do that."
Makes you worry about where these people work and if you will ever have to encounter them on the other side of some counter some day.

Every pharmacist has their embarrasing patient counceling stories or recomendations for over the counter products.  My personal best are: Lady comes into the pharmacy (this is back when I worked retail 81-86) and calls me over to the counter.  She says she's having a real problem swallowing her medication and wondered if it would be alright if she crushed the tablets to take them because they were SO BIG.
So being a good little pharmacist I ask her well sometimes that depends on the medication, and I asked, "What are you taking?"
She takes out her prescription for Mycostatin VAGINAL tablets.  No wonder she was having trouble swallowing them!  That's not where they were intended to go!
Took me the better part of a half hour to explain to her (and to get her to believe me) just where she ought to be putting those tablets.

Then there was the woman who called me over to a side of the counter one evening and said she needed a recomendation for a burn.  Seems she had the nastyest friction burn from a vibrator in a REAL delicate area and wanted to know what would help.
Another guy tells of working in one of the poorer, less educated, iliterate areas of town.  A gentleman comes in with a prescription for Anusol HC suppositories.
The pharmacist types up the label:  "Insert one suppository rectally twice daily."
The patient gets the package and opens it and calls the pharmacist over to the counter and askes him, "Whaz dis rectally mean?"
The pharmacist tries to use his proper english terminology for the area of insertion but the patient just is not getting the point, if you get my drift.
So finally the pharmacist is at the end of his wits and tells the patient, "Don't take this personally, but SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"
"Ohhhhhhhhh," the patient exclaims.  "Why didn't you just say that?"